


Waves Of Sleep Can Crash Forever

by Ready_To_Catch_Hands



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And it doesn't come up in the first chapter at all, First Post, Gen, Langst, M/M, Suicide Attempt, The klance is up for interpretation??, i love to hurt my boy it's Not Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 21:29:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12329235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ready_To_Catch_Hands/pseuds/Ready_To_Catch_Hands
Summary: Lance gets recognition from the some people he helped and it leads to a relisation of how little he matters. At least in his own mind. He thinks maybe the waves will help. And when they don't, he sleeps.





	1. Chapter 1

"Blue Paldin. Lance, was it? Me and my family owe you our lives. Thank you for everything." Were the exact words that came from the alien man that day. As soon as he heard those words Lance burst in to tears. Happy tears, but still tears. He felt euphoric. He'd done something right for once and people noticed. He was able to sputter out a "no problem" before wandering toward the lions. While he walked over Keith and Shiro had blocked his path him.   
"Lance! What happened? Are our okay?" Shiro said quickly, placing a hand in the Cuban boy's shoulder.   
"No don't worry. Happy tears. One of the aliens thanked me and I just got overwhelmed you guys can go back to celebrating." Keith then stepped closer to Shiro so Lance would have a better view of him when he spoke.   
"Why would that make you cry? The aliens always thank us after we save them." The smile on Lance's face began to waver.   
"They thank us as a group. I'm sure you two are used to them coming up and thanking you personally cause you always do things right and help them. Until today no one ever took the time to thank me." Lance mumbled the last of what he said in hopes that they wouldn't take notice, "I'm no help anyway so it makes sense they don't thank me."   
Underneath the facade of not wanting them to notice Lance's psyche was screaming for him to tell them how he felt. What he knew. He was just an extra group member. He had no use. If he wasn't needed to form voltron they probably wouldn't keep him around. They shouldn't keep him around. As these thoughts pass through his mind as they had a million times he had lost track of what was happening around him. Keith had walked off to talk to Hunk while Shiro seemed to be debating what to say next. Of course Keith had walked away. He was so much better at everything why would he care what Lance was feeling. Why would anyone care. As his thoughts spiraled down to a dark but familiar place the tracks of tears that had just begun to dry were dampened again by fresh tears. Shiro's eyes were closed in concentration so he did not take notice of the distress the blue paladin was facing. Lance accepted that Shiro would not care anyway so he might as well just leave. The planet they were on was mostly forest so he began to walk aimlessly into the nearest opening in the trees. He tripped on a root while moving along. Useless. Can't even walk without tripping. Why not just let Keith pilot my lion to? He'd be so much better at it. He continued forward to the mantra of self-doubt that were his thoughts until he found a lake surrounded by trees. He climbed the closest one and after falling many times and having to take breaks to calm his self-loathing to a point where he could once again try to climb the tree. Once he made it to the highest, sturdiest branch he curled his legs to his chest and leaned against the trunk. It had taken him almost twenty minutes just to climb the tree. How could someone so dumb be a paladin of voltron? All he ever did was mess up. He'd say the wrong thing or turn the wrong way or hit the wrong button but it was alway wrong. The sounds of the wind and the forest mixed with the waves of the lake began to slow his thought, but it simply traded quantity for severity. As he spiraled farther and farther into his mind he was dealt harder and harder truths.   
I'm the worst paladin, was probably the lightest thought during those moments. After a minute of swaying in the wind to the tune of his own insecurities a thought that he hadn't expected to come in that moment. This thought only came in the middle of the night while he would beat and beat at the training dummy until he fell to the floor from exhaustion and wondered why he even tried. They'd be better off if I just died. For some reason everything felt real then. Lance felt like he would be better off to just end it then try to keep up with the others. As the thought repeated itself over and over and over like the chorus of a song Lance edged closer the the end of the branch. The lake underneath looked so inviting. It's soft waves would accept him and let him escape. He reached the edge and stood up on the branch. He let himself fall face down into the lake. He had been right, the water was accepting, but after only moments he felt himself being teared out of the water. His quite thoughts replaced with people yelling and frantic movement. This time the tears didn't come.


	2. Chapter 2

Lance’s mind was still in the lake. His was barely processing the world around him as the team carried him to the lions and flew back to the castle. He didn’t register what anyone was saying or doing until he was lying on his bed with the paladins, along with Allura and Coran, hovering over him. He took a breath and pulled a weak smile.  
“Hey guys, that was pretty crazy huh?” He said sleepily, trying to act like he hadn’t just jumped into a lake with ending his life in mind.   
“Lance, don’t try to pull that right now. We just pulled you out of a lake.” It was Keith. Lance was surprised he was the one to speak up.  
“Why would you do that?” Hunk almost whispered. He reached forward and placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. Tears were pooled in the Yellow Paladin’s eyes as he took in his best friends form.   
I can’t even get out of their way right Lance thought. He tried to weakly smile once more and asked if he could be alone for a while. He told them he was tired and wanted to take a nap. They all left, though Keith hesitated for a second before closing the door. Lance pulled himself under his covers and fell into his mind. It had quited since earlier that day so he was able to sleep. When he woke it was several hours later but he still did not want to deal with the others. They would act so differently to him he just knew it. He didn’t want their sympathy, he didn’t deserve it. After ten minutes of lying in his bed trying to fall asleep again he remembered his sleeping pills. When he had first gotten to the Garrison he had struggled to sleep so he kept sleeping pills with him all the time. He had kept them in the pocket of his jacket, so he still had them even in the void of space. He had been saving them for a time when he really needed them. He pulled them out of the box of personal items he kept under his bed. He popped one into his mouth and soon was falling back to sleep. He woke again but immediately took another. He continued this for four days before the other paladins were able to catch him between ten hour fits of deep sleep. Coran had been sitting on his bed when he woke up. He was so out of it that he didn’t notice the Altean. He reached out for another pill but Coran grabbed his wrist. Lance tried to pull his hand away so he could just go back to sleep. All he wanted was to disappear. He couldn’t deal with disappointing the others again.   
“Coran, please just let me go back to bed. Or just let me out into space or something. I think I’ve proved enough times that I’m just a setback.” Coran held tighter to the boys wrist.  
“I will not let you continue to do this to yourself Lance. The others are worried sick. Hunk didn’t speak for the whole first day and still hasn’t said anything other then ‘how did I not notice?’ Allura and Shiro holed themselves up in their rooms and only come out for meals. Pidge keeps mumbling about not doing her job. And Keith. My god, Keith hasn’t slept at all since you’ve been asleep. He spends all his time in the training deck, screaming until he’s hoarse then falling to the ground in tears.”   
“Why would they do that? I’m not worth it.”  
“Of course you are! You’re a paladin of voltron Lance. But before that, you’re our friend.”  
“No need to try and convince me that I’m wanted Coran. You should be the blue paladin, you’d be so much better at it. I’m sure anyone in the galaxy would. I don’t want to cause you all anymore trouble.” Lance rubbed his neck while he clumsily stood up. His took a second to adjust to standing before he pulled on his jacket and started to walk toward the airlock. Coran followed after and tried to pull him away but couldn’t get a hold on the Cuban boy. Just as he was about to reach the airlock a crash sounded to his side. Keith was on the ground down the hallway, having fallen asleep while walking. God Lance why do you have to do this. You made one of the people who actually matter take your spot. You should be the one on the ground not him. The ever-present voice in his head growled. Lance’s steps fell into a slow but steady rhythm as he approached he airlock. He opened it and walked in, feeling a relief he did not expect. The guilt of having caused his friends such distress lifted as he pulled out a paper and pen. He scribbled a note saying that he was sorry for holding them back. He encouraged them to find a new paladin for Blue. He slipped the note against the wall and was about to press the button and release himself into space when a hand grabbed his shoulder. He turned and saw Keith. The Red Paladin’s eyes were puffy and had intense dark circles under them from sleep loss.   
This is your fault, He thought to himself, You did this to him. Lance looked the other boy in the eye and everything came crashing down. He fell to the floor and Keith pulled him into his arms. Lance whispered his apologies over and over as Keith shushed him and ran a hand through his hair. Lance couldn’t tell whether the tears were his own or had come from the boy above him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was loosely based off a portion of one of the keepers of the lost cities books which I highly recommend. Also Vague Klance is here

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here also I'm sorry I hurt this boy I love him so much


End file.
